Think of a thing that you want to change in yourself.
Maybe it’s a feeling of playing small or holding back, or tolerating mistreatment or insecurity or taking things personally.
Now, notice if there’s a thought of “I want to change this. I’m done with this. I’m ready to let it go.” Super common response. I mean, if we look at all of the personal development hype, self-healing hacks and Insta memes that are practically screaming this from the page, this focus on instant outcome is all around us.
Here’s the deal:
When we go in with an agenda to change something about ourselves, to heal, to resolve or let go of and are fixated on the outcome because we are in a hurry to get rid of the thing, we are doing ourselves a disservice.
Why? Because we get ahead of our brain’s natural healing process when we rush in and don’t actually embody the healing change we are seeking as this agenda can just be too activating.
Instead of trying to change anything, instead focus on these two things:
1. Understand how it makes sense.
The thing we want to change about ourselves actually makes sense. I know it may seem counterintuitive, especially if the thing that we want to change is something that causes pain, such as binge drinking or anxiety or an explosive temper, however, there is a wisdom in our in the system that developed this behavior, because it was the best thing that could do with the time. We actually want to move closer to it (instead of an urgency to release it), to learn to trust it’s wisdom, and what it has to offer us.
2. Invite curiosity.
The more we become curious about the role this behavior or thought or feeling has played, we are creating an environment that is deeply conducive to healing, because it immediately allows us to start calming down the self judgment that tells us we have to change this thing because this thing is bad/painful/unwanted etc.
When we are able to do these two things, we create a safe space for healing to occur in a way that our brain can actually metabolize, and then shifts do occur from within a feeling of safety, understanding and acceptance.
Ironically, this allows our brain to move into more of a receptive healing state and we are able to integrate more effectively, when we trust the wisdom of our brain to unlock when it’s ready, to trust the wisdom of our being that created the challenging feelings or behaviors, and we can trust the resilience of the brain to heal and grow when it’s right for us and ultimately, trust the wisdom of our soul that is guiding our unique destiny path.
I do my best to live into this invitation as an ongoing practice with my inner world as well as to offer this welcoming energy for my clients. And it is a practice, because our world has inundated us with messages of going for the quick fix.
Oh, and here’s the other thing, these two prompts actually help us shift and integrate and heal and grow much more efficiently and effectively, in our own timing instead of from a forced agenda cloaked in self judgment.
I just want you to know that all parts of you make sense on some level and are deserving of love and caring.