Healthy-And-Unhealthy-RelationshipsThanks to Adrian, my new trainer at Equinox, I couldn’t walk today, which is why I’m writing you from my bathtub.
I’m sure you would laugh if you could see me — with a rose petal face mask on, skidding around as if I was ice-skating on my rear end. My tub is a bit too big and the salts make it extra slippery. I took a G-rated selfie to send to you but chickened out.
Why am I in my tub and why does it matter to you?
I’m in my tub because I’m playing a new game.
The game is to stay so close to that which takes care of my body and nurtures my heart while incorporating these things into my daily work life.
To balance my feminine needs for nurturing along with my masculine capacity for action.
I have 45 minutes before my next coaching client and I knew I wanted to write to you as well as take care of my burning legs.
So it’s you and me, dear friend, and my soaking calves.
You see, as women, we like to share ourselves and connect with others.
It creates intimacy and trust, and we naturally like to relay the details of our inner world when we are connecting with others.
That’s why I started this email sharing about my aching legs. We share stories, we share empathy, and then we create a bond.
We sometimes forget that men connect differently.
We may enter into a conversation open-hearted and effusively pouring out the contents of our day.
Then we notice their eyes may be wandering, they may start fidgeting or responding with monosyllabic grunts that make it obvious they are not paying attention.
And this is when it can all go downhill fast. Enter hysterical She-Wolf with tears.
Why does this happen?
It is likely that he is either busy thinking about something else, he may feel helpless in solving your problem or he gets lost in the details. He is wondering why you are telling him EVERYTHING yet he does not know what the purpose is.
Here’s the trick.
Men work really well with direction. They like to have a sense of what the rules are and how to win.
Here are three simple steps that could really help you. Check it out.
3 Steps to Communicate Well With Your Man:
1. ASK him if you can share something with him. Do not assume because his body is in front of you that his mental bandwidth is available. Ask if this is a good time.
2. GUIDE him how you would like him to listen and tell him that you don’t need a solution at this time. “Pootchkie, I need to talk about something — can you just listen? I need to get it all out and you don’t need to fix it. Can you do that?”
3. APPRECIATE him for doing a good job at listening. Tell him how loved you feel, what a difference it makes to you when he is present with you as you share yourself.
I invite you to test drive these. Let me know how they work for you. I’d love to hear.
Pass this along to your girlfriends if you think it could help them. Just hit forward and off we go!