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Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places? The Power of Shadow Motivation. image

“The law of cause and effect recognizes that the intention informs the cause. Before you take an action, there is a reason for you in taking that action. And the reason for the action is what’s going to show up in your life on the other end.” – Oprah Your actions, and the reasons behind the actions, are filled with rich information about your underlying motives. Getting curious about where you are coming from inside is often far more revealing and liberating to observe rather than focus on the the thing you are doing that you may not like. All behaviors have an underlying motivation that belies your inner reality. Your behaviors reveal what you really believe, which points you ...

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How To Be With Hurt Feelings image

Heartbeat rising. Breathing stops. Stomach tenses. Mind goes blank for a second.   No, I’m not talking about erotic delight, I’m talking about hurt feelings.   Ah, hurt feelings. An old friend that I know well.   If there were an honorary accomplishment award for hurt feelings – I would definitely be a contender, if not global prize-winner.   When I look back over my past four decades as a whole pie and imagine how much of my precious life energy has been an attempt to outrun, get away from or recover from hurt feelings, I’d reckon a good quarter of the pie would be devoted to this area.   When I reflect upon the countless women that come through my ...

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Anatomy of Self Protection image

    Maggie* came in to me recently for private coaching because she was so frustrated with how hard she has tried for so long to be “perfect”. She is highly self aware, attractive and is very successful at work.   Yet it seems that she cannot attract a man to save her life.   When we looked a bit deeper, we discovered that she mostly navigates her life from her head up.  She is very smart, rational and intellectualizes that if she could just change her ‘beliefs’ (another indicator of how she lives in her mind), then a good man would come in.   I gently asked her if we could talk about her heart, which is how we ...

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Release Ritual as Self-Rejection? image

Hi Lovey, I’m standing wrapped in a towel, dripping wet after jumping in our pool as we are having a crazy heat wave in LA, typing away at my kitchen island, with sopping wet hair.  I felt inspiration come in so I leapt to attention to answer, slippery hands and all! I am approaching my 40th birthday next week and it feels like a big one for me. This little life of mine has journeyed through some wild lands of healing and releasing the effects of abuse and immense suffering in the past four decades and I am grateful to be entering into a chapter where wisdom, love and creative expression are my guiding lights. Where I know deep in ...

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Crazy In Love? Here’s Why… image

Have you ever wondered why you may show up in many areas of your life as confident, self-assured and joyful yet often,  you show up as upset, apologetic, mistrustful, controlling, critical, disempowered, and disconnected from your core loving self with men? Do you ever wonder where the real you goes when hurt feelings take over? Maybe you are tired of being triggered all of the time, or feel somewhat trapped in your frustrations with men and you get snappy with men? Or maybe you desire partnership and cannot understand why on earth you are still single and wonder if you are somehow repelling men – you try so hard to date in the right way and you just feel exhausted ...

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Why Nike’s ‘Just Do It’ Doesn’t Apply to Sex and Love image

Ever wonder why you behave in certain ways that you know darn well aren’t good for you in romance? Isn’t it even more frustrating when you know what you should be doing yet can’t seem to shift your behavior? Have you ever… Kept going back for hot sex even when you knew it wasn’t good for your heart? Continued to text, chase or pursue him even though he has made it abundantly clear that he’s just not that into you? Wasted endless hours stalking a guy on Facebook when you knew you needed to be working? I get it, I’ve been there. You’re smart, you’re self aware, you know whats up. Except…when it comes to shifting limiting patterns with men ...

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Who’s In Charge of Your Emotional Maturity? image

IT’S YOUR FAULT! Ever said or thought those words before in relationship? It is so easy to assume that if ‘he’ were different, you would be happier. As much as fairytales try to teach us that, it just isn’t true. What it actually is, is an indicator that your emotional maturity could use a boost because your Little Girl may be running parts of the reaktionship show. You must be willing to ask yourself, “Am I coming from that little girl who ultimately feels needy for love and thinks he can rescue me? Or am I standing in the space of the adult woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and is committed to to meeting this — ...

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The #1 Lie You May Be Telling Yourself About Intimacy image

Maybe you are anticipating a romantic getaway that your mate thoughtfully planned out for you, replete with love notes, flowers, and chocolates. Maybe you are relishing how adored and appreciated you feel. Perhaps you are finally experiencing the joyful simplicity of partnership. Maybe you are sick of feeling alone and your friends enjoying partnership are yet another big fat reminder of this. I hear that many of you are wondering why it may seem so hard to meet a good ‘conscious’ man or how to revive what went south between you and your hubby. I have a lot of women coming to me for coaching with relationship help these days. They are either single and seeking partnership, or are unhappy ...

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Why ‘Drunk In Love’ Only Works for Beyonce (And How it May Be Getting You in Trouble) image

Remember the frenzied hormones and the awkward confusion about getting to first base, second base or third base as an adolescent? How intoxicating a first kiss could be? Attraction based on chemistry as a young teen is biologically designed to ensure that our species continues. This is driven by parts of our brain which seek survival through procreation, by diligently pumping us full of turned-on feelings. This happens through the biochemicals which only seek one thing – hot make out sessions and a sense of blinding, “oh I know I shouldn’t/not ready/want to wait but it FEELS so good!” In my private coaching practice, I hear many single women in particular who are wanting lasting long-term partnership. Yet, they say ...

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Top 5 Red Flags That Block the Intimacy You Say You Want image

Growing up in an alcoholic home taught me so many rich and wonderful things about self-esteem and worthiness. Through a long and tortuous path of shame, insecurity, and misinterpreting my Pop’s inabilities as meaning that there was something wrong with me, these all led me to discover home inside of me. I’ve learned to dig deep into self compassion. I’ve learned to stand up inside of myself, for myself. I’ve learned the value of strengthening ‘spaghetti arms’ — (you know, Dirty Dancing) — where my space begins and your space ends. I have learned how to say no when I mean no and say yes when I mean yes. I’ve learned to read the red flags and cues that the ...

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